Well, the winds of fortune blow in every direction...

Well, the start of something new has ended before it really began. My fault in it was that I was too forward. I guess being so lonely for the last few years had me tipping forward so that I moved too fast. Still, she met someone else I think so there was little that I might have done anyway. Well, I do hope that they are happy together and wish them the best.

In the meantime, I've joined some social groups online. It just feels forced and weird to do so but it's not like sitting on my butt for the last couple of years has gotten me anywhere. I hope to go out and meet some good people. I suspect it will be a while before I really get to know people because of how I feel now.

I'm feeling... much less open than I've ever felt in my life which is something unsettling for me. It's not like I feel less friendly. I guess it's that my expectations are (healthily?) placed low for meeting anyone ever that I'll really like and will like me and where we both think it's a good idea to see each other. Seemed depressing at first and it's against my romantic, dreamy nature but it's oh-so safe.

I could do with some safety and stability, so no more tossing myself into harms way.

It's a new year...

We'll see what happens this year but it's nice to be on the move, even if that movement puts a pit in my stomach.

Part of my health is going to hinge on me being active physically and socially. I've met someone but I feel myself falling a little too fast for her. I guess it's because she's very funny, smart and sassy. Ironically, we've never gone out together but just talked online and the phone a little.

Being here in CA though has allowed me to at least suss out some of the feelings that I need work through as well as gives me the proper distance to judge character without the messiness of any physical distractions.