And there's that odd feeling again...

It's the eve of my journey back north. I'll be stopping in the Bay Area for a week to work and visit with friends.

I find myself experiencing many different feelings. I can tell that mom and dad are really concerned and will miss me a lot. It's been an intense feeling while here the home where I grew up. It's the same but different in so many ways.

Tonight, a big storm moved into California and is dumping inches of rain. At the moment, I can hear the rain pouring as much as any of the wettest storms in the Pacific Northwest. My first thought is to just hunker down and wait a couple of days....

But I want to get to the Bay Area and also want to start working my way home. Home.... home. It's interesting that I think of the Duvall house as my home. After the events of the past year, I'd started to call it "the Duvall house" instead of "home". I guess that "home" has a connotation of so many things... emotionally, historically, familial... things that I had been running from in the last couple of years.

One of the best things about coming down was that I have a better sense of both myself and what I want. It's not a perfect image... more like a reflection in a rippled pond. One of the most surprising thing is how I've gotten back in touch with my inner energy. I feel physically and mentally like moving and testing myself against things. Spiritually, I've been doing a lot of sensing and feeling. It's been hard without a good friend to talk to about my spiritual wanderings and questioning. I definitely could have spoken to Cat but it's so hard to do when not in person.

Anyway, I leave for the SF Bay Area in abut 8 hours. Time for sleep... and maybe I'll dream of something nice for a change.