Shocked into Silence

I have not spoken in two days. I am wondering if my marriage is really over. It's been a struggle and I love her.

I found out two days ago that she was leaving for the week. This is after a month long hiatus and a couple of other trips away this year already. I guess she called me in-transit like an afterthought that she was going out of town.

I finally found the thought that describes my feelings in the marriage. "Beneath notice" is what I am feeling and thinking. It's not that I am being treated so maliciously ill by her. That may be the ironic part. It is more that, except for domestic duty and income flow, I am beneath notice.

So, I find myself going through my day and night in my routines. Quiet and deep in thought. It is hard to know what the future will bring when I am contemplating changing my present so much.