Well, the winds of fortune blow in every direction...

Well, the start of something new has ended before it really began. My fault in it was that I was too forward. I guess being so lonely for the last few years had me tipping forward so that I moved too fast. Still, she met someone else I think so there was little that I might have done anyway. Well, I do hope that they are happy together and wish them the best.

In the meantime, I've joined some social groups online. It just feels forced and weird to do so but it's not like sitting on my butt for the last couple of years has gotten me anywhere. I hope to go out and meet some good people. I suspect it will be a while before I really get to know people because of how I feel now.

I'm feeling... much less open than I've ever felt in my life which is something unsettling for me. It's not like I feel less friendly. I guess it's that my expectations are (healthily?) placed low for meeting anyone ever that I'll really like and will like me and where we both think it's a good idea to see each other. Seemed depressing at first and it's against my romantic, dreamy nature but it's oh-so safe.

I could do with some safety and stability, so no more tossing myself into harms way.

It's a new year...

We'll see what happens this year but it's nice to be on the move, even if that movement puts a pit in my stomach.

Part of my health is going to hinge on me being active physically and socially. I've met someone but I feel myself falling a little too fast for her. I guess it's because she's very funny, smart and sassy. Ironically, we've never gone out together but just talked online and the phone a little.

Being here in CA though has allowed me to at least suss out some of the feelings that I need work through as well as gives me the proper distance to judge character without the messiness of any physical distractions.

Some people have too much money....

I just read this article about a refrigerated beach and pool area in Dubai. It offends me in a few ways. First, the loss of a natural habitat generally is unpleasant. Second, the addition of the cooling system that will inevitably breakdown and pollute the soil is just silly. Finally, the active cooling of an area like an equatorial beach on the edge of a desert seems like a horrendous waste of money. But then again I find much of modern society wasteful.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article5338099.ece

FTA:

Versace, the renowned fashion house, is to create the world’s first refrigerated beach so that hotel guests can walk comfortably across the sand on scorching days.

The beach will be next to the the new Palazzo Versace hotel which is being built in Dubai where summer temperatures average 40C and can reach 50C.

The beach will have a network of pipes beneath the sand containing a coolant that will absorb heat from the surface.

The swimming pool will be refrigerated and there are also proposals to install giant blowers to waft a gentle breeze over the beach.

Another Holiday passes...

... and I wait like a moron for some word from her. I check email, text messages, voice mail, and multiple times at that.

It's distracting and I am distracted to the point where I cannot enjoy my day.

Shouldn't I have someone in my life that wants to be a part of my experience?

What the....? That weight is back.

I can't breathe at the moment. For some reason, this evening, I am so sad. Nothing has changed really in my life to make me feel this way. I just feel like I can't breathe and I am so so down... like I shouldn't even get in the car to go drive.

I'm working in the SF Bay Area at the moment and staying at a friend's place.

I have no 'home'... no wife... no one to talk to... Taiga is 1000 miles away...

I can't remember the last time I was hugged or touched or spoken to... in a really affectionate way. My thoughts are all gray. This is not good. I need to do something.

And he went on...

Today a friend lost a friend... a little boy... clothed in white. Sweet... sweet... feisty and certainly not little like a pea. No names, no places, no times, no details for it would be too hard to read.

Profound Graffiti...

Just saw this on Digg.

It's an image by an artist known as Banksy.
http://flickr.com/photos/greenwood100/2461402455/sizes/l/

Who is Banksy?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banksy

http://www.banksy.co.uk/